Just yesterday, I was watching my present favourite television series #BeingMaryJane. Gabriel Union does a great one playing the Mary Jane character– who is a successful television Talk show presenter at the peak of her professional career. The character MJ lives the perfect dream life of every woman whose goal and ambition is to have it together with their career, financially and even in their relationship life.
However, if there’s anything more intriguing than just watching and loving the MJ character more and more every day, is the fact that amidst the whole perfection that is easily perceived from her life, her imperfections scream the loudest and she doesn’t try to hide it. How beautifully the character MJ quickly reminds that even in our flaws and imperfections, we are beautiful!
Many times, we are in a battle with ourselves over things we cannot change, things we should not change! We all have things we could say “sucks” about us, and we hate ourselves for it, and sometimes even go an extra mile to do the unthinkable just to be seen as perfect creatures.
Perfection is a faux. It’s a mask carved by our own poor esteem to hide who we really are and make others see what really isn’t us.
Perfection is inexistent. It is the short-lived joy of muddling in the dips of a superficial life in a bid to bury who we really are.
Perfection is a lie, and lying to others is explicable but lying to oneself is the highest form of deceit.
Whatever happened to embracing our flaws without obsessing about fixing them?
Whatever happened to loving ourselves just as we are and who we are without wanting to become someone else or have what they have?
In case we forgot, there’s no such thing in this world as a perfect person. We are all called to find our purpose through our imperfection. No one has it going 100% for them and no one was blessed with magic hands such that they get it right after a first attempt. We only get better through learning both from our experiences/mistakes and that of others.
I’ll share a few pointers that crossed my mind and which of course I constantly learn to live by and remind myself of daily…
It’s perfectly okay to be laughed at and judged.
Otherwise, how then do we know when and where to do better?
We all want to hear the praises; it sounds encouraging when we hear how good we are. So, we chase after only praises and by default, we become so uncomfortable with ourselves when people jeer at us and judge us from their own point of view. No matter how awesome you think you are, not everyone will see your awesomeness and it’s okay. Re-affirming your downsides every now and then would keep you staying afloat even when people try to bring you down because you’ve learned to be comfortable even in your own imperfection.
Isn’t it so? The things that make us beautiful have become battlegrounds!
Perhaps, if we had one wish, it would be yet another attempt at perfection!
But God makes no mistakes.
When I was much younger, I often obsessed about having perky boobs. I must have even at some point consoled myself with the fact that I’ll do a suction when I get much older. But hey, life is expensive. Too expensive to attempt things that may make me uncomfortable in my own skin on the long run. I just did not have the courage for it. Shout out to those who have successfully and courageously attempted it. But beyond the fear, I did not see any need for it as I grew. I learned to love myself and my body both on the pluses and the minus sides. I learned to love being in my skin and feeling comfortable in it. I learned that there was more to me than the boobs and other endowments on my body and whoever must come to me, must love and respect my body–but only when I learned to do so first.
What we think makes us ugly, what we think people may look at us and send off a staggering laughter are the exact things that should make us beautiful instead!
Your froggy eyes? Your flat ass? Your pocket-sized boobs? Love yours!
You will never attract more than you feel about yourself.
Sometimes, I’d wonder how my life would have turned out if another person lived it, you know like the chances they would have taken that I have not yet attempted, or perhaps how messed up my life would have been. Perhaps, I’d be some crazy unthinking lady with a penchant for enjoying the finest things in life and not having to stress myself working for it? Or Perhaps I’d by now have been a multi-millionaire.
But then it all comes back to me and when I think about the miles that I’ve crossed, the journeys I’ve travelled and the hurdles I’ve conquered just to get to the spot that I am at present, I believe more in myself and affirm that truly I was given this life for a purpose and that I am still alive is to continue to identify that purpose and live through the best of it.
When you don’t believe in yourself, in your struggles, in all of your imperfections that make you truly you, no one ever will. It all starts with you!
YOU’RE NOT THERE YET? Make the conscious effort to take that bold step to get to where you want to be and little by little, with one bold step after another, you’re closer to becoming all you ever dreamed of.
Perfection is impossible…
Don’t we get too busy most often trying to be strong, trying to get things done perfectly, trying to squeeze ourselves into a perfect picture for the pleasure of the world? But we end up hurting every time inside because no matter how we try, perfection is impossible.
It’s okay to break our own rules sometimes. It’s okay to break down sometimes, it’s okay to go all out of our minds and do things we never expected of ourselves–things that people will shake their heads at us for. But in the end, learn to forgive yourself and move on because just like everyone, you are human. And as long as you’re human, there are endless mistakes waiting to be made. It is in making some of these mistakes that we learn.
“I realized I’m a liar. I’m a big liar, and a good liar. We all are. We’re all just pretending that we’re okay when we’re really not. We’re all afraid that the whole world is going to come falling down if we’re honest with one another all the time.” – MaryJane
Understand that we are all goofs of ourselves no matter how perfect the lives of some may seem. But when we embrace our flaws and work with it, sometimes, just sometimes, we get it right.
It is in loving ourselves and our imperfections that we can learn to love others. If we can all learn to embrace our self-worth and positive self-definition, there would be so much love to give.
Chinonye J. Chidolue (Nonyewrites)
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