In exactly 7 days from now, I’d be speaking on Relationships and SEX at the #Hangoutwithelsieisy. Here’s a sneak-peek into some of what I’d be discussing with you on that day. Meanwhile, if you haven’t registered yet, heres a LINK to do so.
What really is a relationship?
Relationship is simply the connection we build with people either by close knits or by social connections.
“Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god. ” – Aristotle
This shows that as human beings, we thrive on social connections and it is by this chain of connections that we form relationships– even the ones that go from just being a casual coworker or colleague to intimate relationships. This kind of relationship is the focus of my discourse.
Love relationship is the most profound form of relationship since the history of man. It becomes for one, the highest form of fulfilment and derivative satisfaction apart from the ones gotten from oneself. However, while it can be the most invigorative and life-changing experience, it can at the same time record the worst failure ever. This is why people liken relationships to a “game” of winning or losing.
Maintaining a relationship is definitely not the easiest thing to achieve. Just like it takes two to tango, it takes two to make it work! Realistically, there are the good days and there are the bad days. We can only try so hard but unless and until the commitment comes from the two parties to a relationship, it may collapse.
What’s important here then is working to build healthy and lasting relationships. And this begins from the FOUNDATION. The How did we get here? Am I ready to commit? Are the feelings mutual? , must be answered before getting into it.
Getting into a relationship before you are truly ready to do so can be very disastrous–Just as everything else, relationships require specific factors upon consideration that should not be overlooked; otherwise, it is advisable not to commit. –At least, just not yet.
I’ll share with you a couple of these factors…
FACTORS NOT TO OVERLOOK BEFORE GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP
Bear in mind that a relationship as I said earlier takes two to tango. This means that you’re leaving your “singleness” behind to become a team. Now, Imagine working as a team with a team mate you cannot stand or tolerate and vice versa. The fate of such project will be threatened. This takes us to the first factor–
- Agreement Of The Mind
Because a relationship involves two people and not just one person, there has to be first and foremost an agreement of the mind “consensus ad idem”, because a relationship is similar to a contract. Ranging from your time, to your attention, affection, sacrifices, you are giving out something from you and it’s only natural that you would want to your partner to return the kindness. But before you give off completely what is left of you, does your mind tell you that this journey is worth embarking on? Are you about to get into it out of loneliness, pity, force or some unnecessary external pressure? Your willingness to listen to the voice of your mind would give you a better judgement on whether to commit or not.
- Understanding The Journey (Communicate your feeling(s) )
Communication is the backbone of a relationship; communication too is the facilitator of a relationship. Don’t assume that managing a long-term friendship with a person would lead to a successful relationship because that is where the story may change. Don’t assume also that all the “mushy” talks are a sign of compatibility. They might be mere yearnings that won’t go beyond that. When you get the feeling, by actions or signs from this person – even if they don’t– communicate it, understand it, and believe it, before you get into it!
Understanding the journey before getting into it will clear the path. You will not just know where you stand but where you’re about heading to, why you’re heading towards there and if you really want to head towards that direction. And this extends further to understanding how potential such relationship will be and what’s in it for you, far from how it makes you feel at present. Just communicate, don’t just assume it is because it feels like it!
Timing is an important factor to consider before getting into in any relationship. From the young teen still engaging in some hide and seek games with an unknown guy, to the fresh out of high school teenager who must engage her very ripe youthful age, down to the adults who have seen both sides to a relationship coin but still record some fails and further down to the lonely ones who have tasted heartbreaks but must still sprint back into a relationship because their loneliness is eating them up, and the endless ways relationships begin, timing is key.
You may meet the right one at the wrong time and no matter how you think you love this person or you can manage such relationship, when the going gets tough, it wouldn’t be successful. Regardless, if any form of friendship existed in the first place, they will understand your inability to commit at that time, but will still be there for you. You don’t need to truncate yourself. Being single is a great time to prepare yourself better for a healthier relationship.
What does your own sense of individuality mean to you? Are you comfortable in the company of your own self before seeking the companionship of another? Many a time, people get into a relationship as a whole complete being and get out losing half of them behind. Looking for a relationship in order to be “complete,” will not only land you in all the wrong relationships but it will also make even the right ones seem wrong because – true sense of fulfilment comes from within and until you have found it in yourself, you cannot fully give yourself to another.
At the #HangoutwithElsieisy, I’ll also share these with you:
- Maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship
- The BIG topic SEX (What’s true, what’s not, when’s right and why)
- Body Languages
A relationship should above all else, be nothing short of two people sharing their lives as partners, relishing all the happy moments as friends, and motivating each other to becoming the best they can be!
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