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The screeching sounds of cars
The hooting of owls at night
The subliminal heartbeats of lost wandering souls
The cry of babies longing for the arms of their mothers
Like a circus the world is a stage with everyone watching
Some own the show, others watch the show
The cheers of the audience and the “boos” of the critics
The judges and spectators ready to throw verbal rants
Everyone is playing one role or the other……
Then your heart beats and you start to wonder
The quest for perfection suddenly creeps in
Then comes the ill voices in your head steady reminding you how you aren’t good enough for the big show called “life”
You try to convince yourself and then stay true to yourself
Then someone comes along to own this show with you
It becomes a duo thing. With this person you find all the confidence you need to succeed
You let your guards down and throw out all your imperfections, ready to perform!
Then the critics and spectators stand in line doing what they know to do best
Leaving you with more homework to do
From their judgments, you’re scoring less points
They see no reason to smile at your performance
Then you try and keep trying but you’re never good enough
You recourse to your duo with whom you dance to the same rhythm with
Of course at some point, it has to be you both against the world
That “fuck them all moment” when you decide to not belong to this big show anymore and just remain in your small world. Just you and your duo since you understand yourselves better.
You relocate and shuffle away from all the miles of doubts and wishful thinking,
Away from the stings of harsh realities, that moment of re-evaluation when you begin to re-pack your “luggage” and decide what goes in and what leaves……
But of course eloping from reality doesn’t work without crossing the spectators once again
They throw opinions like stones not minding where it lands
But with your duo, its fine
That “survivor” spirit consumes you
Steady reminding you that you ain’t alone on this journey
But it doesn’t end here because the rest of the journey is still bleak
No one knows what happens next, the moment is just perfect and bliss
You haven’t felt so much peace in a while
No one ever understood you like your duo
That tingly feeling in your tummy, so satisfactory that food plays no role to your survival anymore
You exist like an ethereal being, butterflies swimming joyfully in your tummy
Your cheeks glowing in smiles from side to side
Oh no! Even your pulse begins to rise at the presence of your duo
This is life! You scream! You never want to wake up from this dream or return to where you escaped from.
Like the waves from the ocean, you feel the rush
It sweeps you off your feet and you wonder if this truly is real
Living like kings and queens without a crown
You become a sorcerer, foreseeing the future from a distance away
Its all beautiful! You wanna fast-forward the moment
But hey you gotta take it slow and relish every bit of the moment
Times goes by until suddenly….
The sun goes down slowly, the butterflies escape from your tummy, the singing birds fly back to their nest, the waves retire to the ocean…..
When all these elements return to where they came from, you realize the one thing that strikes you the most:

“YOU’RE STANDING ALONE!”

You look around you and realize that you’re the only one occupying the small world you eloped to….
And whatever happened to your duo? You stop to think…..
Perhaps it was just all Figments of your imaginations.
Once again, your mind chose to play tricks on you….
Then you cry a river and scream at your own echoes because you remain the only one who truly “hears” your voice
And what happens next? You pack your bags once again to return to where you came….
Back to the old you
Back to the spectators and critics who await your failed return
Back to the circus of performers but this time just as an audience
Back to the voices in your head which in the end proves to be your truest friend….
You return to the harsh realities you once escaped from
Now understanding that in this busy world; everyone is speaking but no one is actually listening….
Everyone is performing but no one is actually watching
Everyone is ready to play the role of the spectator but no one is actually going to contribute to your mental well being
And in this big show called life, you remain the sole performer and audience and finally, you need no “duo” in order to give your best performance.
When you finally realize this, you should have found true Happiness.

 

Chinonye. J. Chidolue (@NonyeWrites)

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